COME CELEBRATE WITH US OUR MUSHROOMING CHRISTMAS EVE SHOW! WEDNESDAY, Dec. 24th! It's Time to Come and Visit a Popular Favorite Again The Night Before Christmas... ==PRESENTED ON OUR ALL-NEW STAGE== AT The Famous Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret 3359 Cesar Chavez St. (Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood. And... ANNOUNCING OUR ANNUAL HOLIDAY SHOW! --OUR 22nd CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! ON DECEMBER 25th The Night of Christmas Day! DEC. 24th - Ask Dr. Hal! DEC. 25th - Christmas Show ! FOR DETAILS, SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE BOTTOM-- THIS WEEK: A T a time when all rejoice at the peak of the Holiday Season with expressions and celebrations of love and good will for all humanity, KrOB opens his heart and celebrates by bringing Yuletide cheer to you and yours in his own joyous, Seasonal way, with 'WHEN GIANT TRAP-DOOR SPIDERS ATTACK!' MONSTROUSLY ENLARGED, FEROCIOUS SUBTERRANEAN ARACHNIDS BURST FORTH TO ASSAIL HUMAN VICTIMS Trap-door spiders make up the family Ctenizidae of the order Araneae. The species common in the southwestern United States is classified as Bothriocyrtum californicum. However, these are only distant relations to certain huge mutants living entirely underground in a system of deep caverns in Mexico. And, Pilgrim, these are deep caverns that you probably would rather stay away from. no? Also, don't drink the water. So, this Christmas Eve, come to our show, settle in and enjoy the scuttling, scrambling horror of KrOB's unbearably creepy Spider edit. Of course, as always, we advise those who may be overly sensitive to such material to turn away their heads or shade their eyes during the interval when these oversized megalomorphs swing into action. It's 'showbiz,' pure and simple-- great entertainment for young and old-- and it's all happening right here-- AT THE FAMED Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret where SHOWTIME 'ALWAYS' BEGINS AT =9:00 PM= WE MEAN IT THESE DAYS-- WE REALLY DO... THE SLAPDOWN Admission to the Ask Dr. Hal! show in its newest form? That's $10 -ISH C H E A P ! WE START... WITH A CLASSIC CARTOON! Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon-- each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film. Last week we showed one of the Walt Disney Studio's rarely seen Wartime propaganda cartoons, Reason and Emotion (1943), directed for Disney by Bill Roberts. This week we bring you another of the all-time greatest cartoons, the truly wonderful Snow White (1933). Not Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs-- in any case that's a Feature-length cartoon (the first in history, in fact, but let's not 'go there,' as they (regrettably) say. No, this is a short film in the Betty Boop series from the Max Fleischer cartoon studio. Max's brother Dave was credited as director, although virtually all the animation was done by Roland Crandall. As a reward for his years of work at the Fleischer studio, Crandall was given the job to make Snow White himself, and the resulting film turned out to transcend the project and even, in some blissed-out way, the limitations of the animation medium. Bizarre, melancholy and morbid, it's also one of the musically greatest of all cartoon shorts. Cab Calloway's unforgettable version of St. James Infirmary Blues becomes the cartoon's centerpiece, in a non-linear story which amazingly seems to overcome evil and death. Kind of a major load for a silly-ass little cartoon to carry, you're undoubtedly thinking (if you've never seen it, that is), but just wait till you see it. It's been deemed 'culturally significant' by the United States Library of Congress, after all, and preserved in the National Film Registry. In 1994 it was voted #19 of the 50 Greatest Cartoons of All Time by members of the animation field. And, since this film is now in public domain, it's even legal for KrOB to show it. (You did know, didn't you, that most of the stuff we show is illegal?) There are Christian Fundamentalist groups, so-called Evangelicals, who've called the movie 'Satanic.' And it doesn't stop there, because, throughout the years, various censors and psychologists have suppressed this little film, or worse, marred it with cuts of 'disturbing' scenes, such as the one in which the EvilQueen, in transmogrified Monster Form, is grabbed by the tongue (by Ko-Ko the Clown) and yanked completely inside out, bones, guts and all. Whew! Oh yes, there's a lot of great stuff packed into the incredibly short running length of this cartoon-- and we are as always taking pains to give you the whole thing complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation's vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on time! 'I'm telling you; these guys MUST have been on acid who wrote and drew some of these early Betty Boop cartoons! They are so wild, it's unbelievable.' --ccthemovieman GUESS WHO? FRANK CHU! Yes, Frank is back! And we've got him! At some time during every show, by special arrangement, the perennial protester/holy man, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great 12 Galaxies night club was named, will ascend the stage once again-- and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. You canrely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says). Go, Frank! We've even got him answering questions! COMPUTER FREEBOOTER David 'Yo-Yo Pro' Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the show progresses. To see what that means, you've got to watch the guy in action. As 'Cappy's' agile fingers fly over the keyboard you will be unable to avoid the horrendous, stomach-churning, hyper-pornographic results, allpart of some sort of Multi-Media Experience... FOR PETE'S SAKE! SPACE IS THE PLACE! Our own resident Astronomer, Pete Goldie gives us information on Outer Space and what may be found there. He's got a nifty little model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe that you'll see at the show, the amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that just this last week detected conditions favorable for organic life on Saturn's mysterious moon, Titan. Something's always happening in Space these days-- and sure as Entropy, Pete's going to be telling us al-l-l-l about it. CHICKEN JOHN SEZ: 'Hey, everybody-- come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new location: my living room. It's 4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.' NOT A BAR-- BUT YOU CAN DRINK! So there won't be any booze for sale, OK? We don't do the show in a bar any more, so it's OK to drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded in the traditional manner-- with that old standby, Fernet Branca, TM --the 'Miracle Liquor.' That's the one way you can still get a drink at Ask Dr. Hal! WEB SITE Visit www.askdrhal.com for more information than you need. THE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW - FEATURING FRANK CHU - CHICKEN JOHN - DR. HAL - KrOB - PETE GOLDIE - DAVID CAPURRO - ALL QUESTIONS CHEERFULLY ANSWERED - BARDIC RECITATIONS - FERNET GIVEAWAYS - CARTOONS - KrOB MONSTER CLIP EDITS - WITH OUR VERY SPECIAL GUESTS THOSE ROOF-DWELLING HILLBILLIES THE 'PO'BUCKERS' DONATION TEN DOLLARS OR SO - AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN COME - OUR DOORMAN ROBERT LEVY WILL GLOM YOUR DOUGH AS YOU CROSS OUR THRESHOLD. COME ALL, COME ONE, NEW SHOW, NEW RUN... SOCIAL NOTES The Ukulele- playing Wahines never did show up. Chicken thinks some other venue musta offered 'em a few more Coconuts. Could be-- but they missed one helluva show. And wotta crowd-- some of our most faithful attendees showed up, incl. 'Gentleman' Geoffrey Smart, Jaunty John Law, who was, well, drunk, n' pugnacious Paul the Plumber, who was drunk-er. Right around the time ol' Paul (passed out?) disappeared from the scene, an enraged gorilla showed up. This was no brazen Brazilian Astronaut (as far as we could tell, Kiko 'Kong' was at home, squeezing his main squeeze Juniper-fresh Jennalex), but an enraged n' steamed simian who 'acted out,' slamming into Ringmonster 'Cheerful' Chicken John's desk, nearly pushing it over and sending all the objects thereon crashing to the floor of the good ol' Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret. We'll readily forgive krazy Kiko 4 staying away, but the angry aggro Ape oughta lay off th' sauce-- that's how it looks from here in the press box... Fearless Frank Chu did make the scene-- he got his Soapbox Moment, n' we hope there'll be many more... The National Cynical Network's own Phinicky Phineas Narco emerged from his Fortress of Solitude up N. way to motor all the way down to Ess Eff 4 our No. 7 ADH. Phabulous Phinny (a.k.a. Joltin' James Scianna) helms radio's amazing Plundercasts every week-- we know the pressures of a weakly p'formance date-- oh, yes, we do -- so kudos, whatever they are, to Mr.Narco for spending the time to take in our shindig. For full info on his shows, check out www.plundercast.net and get into the listening habit. Radio's Posterboy Puzzling Evidence of KPFA 94.1 FM's same-named, long running 2-hr. early a.m. xtravaganza was also present n' accounted for. Nota bene: puissant P.E. celebrated 25 years on the air this year, along w/ Phelonious Philo Drummond n' ADH's own demented Dr. Howland Owll, n' so much for the standard plug-ola... Readers of this col. know persistent Puzzo's been shooting assorted mini-docs of our show which he then puts up for daring display on You Tube. Wanna see 'em? Search YouTube - there's a new one each time we go to press... Red-hot rockster Lloyd Mongoloid of Cookie Mongoloid fame was also in the house... watta gaggle of gadabouts... the place was as full of stars as one of pedantic Pete Goldie's Slide Shows. Take ravishing Robin Coomer, frinstance (if we could we'd die happy), supernal singer (with studly Sam Bass) of supergroup Loop! Station-- the talented duo have a new CD on the cusp of being born-- resplendent Robin cheered us on n' gyrated during our 2-Minute Dance Party, an institution founded a few sessions back by enchanting Ena Dallas... There were delectable dolls everywhere you looked; we noted kurvaceous Kate Willett (n' why not? She lives @ Chicken's), meritorious Mable Syrup w/ scion rhapsodic Rhiannon Charisse of the Dark Room Theatre-- have you seen their version of Star Wars on stage, approved by nonother than generous George Lucas himself? --languid Laurel Davies, of TV's legendary Bohemian Bug Girl Show, kinky Kaye, n' statuesque Simone Oumpeade... The Boys' Team included rampant Rick Abruzzo, gadabout Gary Longoria, n' of course pushy Paul Pot, whose intricate work on the Cassini-Huygens Probe never ceases. He just finished a re-do on the spiffy spacecraft's deep-gain antenna. By the time he's through it'll be as launch-worthy as its real-life namesake. And the after-party took its time leaving the snug Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, as if nobody really even wanted to leave. As for us, we plan to be there for awhile. That’s right! Now that we're booking the show ourselves, in its own performance space, no harried rock club owner (n' for the record I don't mean our devoted, doughty Doorman, reliable Robert Levy, late of our last venue, the late, great 12 Galaxies, named by frantic Frank Chu) --can “suddenly” recall that one of our show dates is preempted by a thoughtlessly booked Pooveshterz concert, benefit for a Wistful Sexual Predator's Bicycle Contretemps or other seemingly more profitable enterprise... It (the Show) goes on the boards every dad-blamed Wednesday at 9:00 PM, and that's the way the confectionery crumbles. Here at Chicken John Productions we like to keep in mind that some of you have a need... a need to catch the la-a-a-st B.A.R.T. train at 12:17 AM from the 24th St. Mission Station back to the wilds of the East Bay. Translation: these days we start earlier. And end earlier, too.Yes, we've been known to hold the door for latecomers. Just don't depend on it. So try to get there before 9:00 PM, wontcha, or you might miss the cartoon (which wd. be a tragedy), or come in while it's unreeling, so's others get distracted n' don't get to see it. Then we'll all just hate you... See you Wednesday night! LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK! A C H R I S T M A S M E S S A G E F R O M C H I C K E N J O H N . . . FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Chicken John to do 22nd Stupid Christmas Show! ADMISSION $10.00 AT THE DOOR SAN FRANCISCO - Chicken John, noted idiot, started a tradition back in 1986. He threw a Christmas show, on Christmas Night-- for people who didn’t have families, or had them but couldn’t be with them for whatever reason. Call it Orphan Christmas. The show started out as a punk rock show with music and other stuff. In the early 90’s it became a variety show. In 1997, with partner Hal Robins (the Ask Dr.Hal! show, SubGenius Foundation, voice of Half-Life's Isaac Kleiner) it became a homegrown version of a popular Chuck Barris Game Show: Treasure Hunt. In the show Treasure Hunt, you answer a trivia question, and if you get it right you get to select a wrapped present. You open it, and keep whatever was in the box. Chicken adopted this concept, but put the gifts under a “Christmas Tree” (usually a mike stand with a branch duct taped to it). But the twist is that Chicken gets people to bring the wrapped gifts. So, say, someone may come with a whole pick up truckload of gifts. The pile is often, in fact, very high. The show starts at 10PM. The show ends when the last gift is opened (which was after 3AM last year). It’s really a marathon of unendurable comic improv, as Chicken and Hal drag everyone on stage to answer Trivial Pursuit questions and fill the Chez Poulet with gift wrappings and Holiday bullshit. Some gifts are stellar, some a joke. Some are just confusing. Best present to date was a ticket to Burning Man. The worst-- a dirty diaper. Others have been an entire set of encyclopedias, various items of small furniture, comic books, fake Rolex watches, 'sea monkeys,' cat food, a diary, original artwork, a paddle-ball game, a bubble-blower, a set of car keys, a laptop, a bag of weed, pictures of your mother naked, a parking ticket (payable), fun-sized candy, a coupon for a hand job, a Ritual Roasters Coffee coupon, garbage bags and a Slinky. It wouldn’t be Christmas if someone didn’t get a Slinky, would it? So, on Christmas Night, come over to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret.Your family is all of us who also have no families. And if you weren’t going to get to unwrap a gift this year-- well, Chicken’s got you covered. God bless us all. Everyone. Even KrOB… THAT'S 'The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas,' Year 22! (Also known as, 'The Year Chicken John Ruined Christmas') DECEMBER 25th-- Christmas Night, 10 PM. ADMISSION TEN ($10) DOLLARS AMERICAN-- YOU SHOULD BRING A PRESENT -- YOU WILL LEAVE WITH A PRESENT... So, it's like this... DECEMBER 24th: The Ask Dr. Hal! Show. DECEMBER 25th: The 22nd Annual Christmas Show. Come to both!